A Shot at Fame: A Proposed Op-ed for The Onion

Have you heard about the hottest Hollywood trend to hit the streets of California’s hippest city in LA? Everyone is or isn’t (shall I say) doing it. Donald Trump, Jenny McCarthy, Hugh Hefner, Alicia Silverstone, Charlie Sheen, and even rumored the Queen of Pop Ms. Britney Spears have formed Hollywood’s newest elite force, dubbed the Anti-Vaxxers Club. What, you haven’t heard of it? Well for those of you that are not in the know, let me fill you in on this “to-die-for” trend, which has literally gone viral.

It is, opting out of vaccinating your infants and children. Statistics have shown that 1 out of 4 children enrolled in school from affluent, educated communities are not vaccinated. Across California, parents are joining the likes of Hollywood celebs and choosing to not vaccinate their children. As a result of this infectious trend, the Hollywood reporter has reported“…thousands of children and babies coughing so violently that their bodies convulse, uncontrollably wheezing and fighting to breathe for weeks. Nearly 8,000 pertussis cases have been reported in 2014 to the state’s Department of Public Health as of Sept. 2, and 267 of those patients have been hospitalized, including 58 requiring intensive care, and three infant mortalities.”

Come on, don’t you want to join Hollywood’s hottest parenting club? Well it is wickedly easy, thanks to the California Health and Safety Code Section 120365 which was recently amended earlier this year. All that is required of parents who wish to seek an exemption is to claim that vaccinations are against their personal belief, consult a medical practitioner and obtain the physician’s signature on a single-paged form.

If you are concerned about finding a pediatrician who is up to date on the latest health and lifestyle trends don’t worry, just ask Dr. Robert W. Sears.  Dr. Sears, a renowned pediatrician and author, has published a book entitled “The Vaccine Book” which provides you with a list of “vaccine-friendly” doctors near you. But if you are like most of us who are constantly on the go and cannot find time to go through books or be bothered with valid medical articles and studies, you can simply visit Dr. Sears’ website for the list of pediatricians and doctors near you who as stated on his website “sincerely want to help”.  (http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/vaccines/find-vaccine-friendly-doctor-near-you)  We are fortunate enough to be living in modern civilized times where doctors listen to and adhere to their patient’s needs. Medical research carried out by organizations such as the Center for Disease Control and WHO (World Health Organization) that have clinically proven and discredited “false” studies connecting vaccines to cause autism is nothing but urban legend.

In case you may not have time in your packed schedule to visit your “Vaccine Friendly” pediatrician in between taking your kids to their soccer games and maintaining your social life, you can rely on California’s Health and Safety policy to simplify tough decisions such as vaccinating your children and affecting those in your community.  Article §6051 of the California Health and Safety Code Division 105 states, “A personal beliefs exemption shall be granted upon the filing with the governing authority of a letter or affidavit from the parent or guardian or adult who has assumed responsibility for his or her care and custody in the case of a minor…that such immunization is contrary to his or her beliefs.”   So in actuality this recent amendment which requests parents or guardians to consult a physician is just a suggestion. You can simply claim that it is against your personal belief to vaccinate your child relieving you of the burden of making an appointment with your pediatrician and essentially exempting you from making an informed medical decision.  Additionally, if you needed more confirmation you can rest assured that your responsible neighbors who vaccinate their children regularly will act a safeguard against preventable-diseases, protecting your child’s health.

Never mind the decades of scientific research that has, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services proven to (ahem, cough):

Save Your Child’s Life
Minimize Pain, Discomfort, and Trauma
Protect Others You Care About
Save Your Family Time and Money
Safeguard Future Generations

It’s all about being organic and keeping up with likes of Hollywood’s elite.  You could even look at this as the latest raw lifestyle, benefiting the entire family and bringing you back to your caveman rustic basics.  After all who wouldn’t want to join the ranks of billionaires, the Queen of Pop and the King of Playboy?

Shirlene Afshar Vogl
Public Policy
USA

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