What is it about girls that we don’t want to be?

We are not supposed to be writing this article. Sure, we may act like all is grand in an open society such as CEU, where any kind of discrimination surely doesn’t exist. However, we were surprised by the negative reaction following a letter from our Student Union President, in which she lamented the fact that she often hears phrases like “don’t be such a girl.” We are surprised because although the construct of what a woman means is not fixed or universally applicable across cultures, by commanding that a person should not “be” a girl, we say that we don’t like what a girl is, or we certainly don’t want to be mistaken for one.

What is it about girls that we seek to disavow? Weakness? Irrationality? Emotions? Dependency? And in what context do we utter this phrase? When boys wear too much pink? When a boy falls and starts to cry? When your boyfriend can’t make a decision? In general, it doesn’t seem to be a compliment.  In fact, when we want to encourage somebody, compliment their skills, or give them praise, we tell them to “be a man,” “man up,” or to act like a “real man.” Although we do not always notice it, many of us have grown up with similar phrases and while they might differ in specificity or semantics, the point is, it tends to be good to be a man and bad to be a girl.

But let’s get real. This letter was inspired by not only a semester of experiences but particularly a hostile reaction to the 16 Days of No to Gender Violence. While many of us think that violence is often related to “big” topics, such as war, domestic violence, or rape, it also takes place on a micro level and is important to discuss. Microaggressions, which the letter called out, seem small (hence the name), but can be harmful. Being told to not be a girl, especially if you identify as one, is literally being told to stop being what you see yourself as, because nobody likes it.

And let us be clear, this is not something only men do against women. Women reproduce sexist language against each other, and also tell each other to “not be girls.” Men sometimes tell other men who they suspect of acting “too gay” or “feminine” to stop being girls.  Indeed, any man who seems to close to “girlness” is automatically labeled gay, weak, or “not man enough.” Our society may change the meaning of femininity, but no matter what, it seems to always already be second to masculinity.

In the end, this is not an irrelevant issue. There is a notion that European society has eliminated gender-based discrimination and sexist language, leaving it as an issue for “Developing” nations. But this is a false arrogance of colonialism. In fact, for those engaged in the issue, it is obvious that there is a lot of work to be done, both in our home countries and at CEU. While we do not aim to homogenize the complexity of our globe and its various cultural contexts, it seems as though it is not good to be a girl almost anywhere. Thus, we support our president’s attempt to start dialogue and of course welcome critiques, too. But let’s not discard her concern as some of that good old fashion “oversensitive” femininity.

Chris Zivalich & Maryna Shevtsova

Gender Studies