If I were a professor

By Bwesigye bwa Mwesigire*

If I were a professor:

I would not write comments on students' papers that do not match the marks awarded. An "Excellent" remark would reflect the 90% mark awarded.

I would not hesitate to throw a 10% mark for a paper that pushed me close to the lavatory for a better indulgence, and I would write the truth on that student's paper, 'Your work is only toilet-worth', my comment would read.

If I were a professor:

I would not reward the student that impersonates a parrot with a good grade

I would punish that student for downgrading the human brain to a parrot's level

I would reward the sometimes rebellious, the novel thinker with the good grades

That student who uses the exam to question what I taught

But the top-most grade would be for that one who goes beyond questioning

The one who proposes answers to the questions and issues he raises

The answers may be the same as I would give or far different ones

That would not matter; they would be answers I would want as a professor

If I were a professor:

I would not pretend not to have personal views

I would bare my personal views for the students to see

And separate my own views from the views of my peers and those who do not agree with me

But I would make sure that I explore all views available on a subject for my students

Then I would wait for their views as they write my exam

For those who blindly tell me my own views without finding their own justifications, I would crack the whip

For those who reproduce views opposed to mine, and miss telling me why they like such views, I would also crack the whip

For those who justify their preference for mine or other's views, I would give a Good remark and mark

For those who go beyond mine and others' views and present hitherto unseen/unread views, I would note 'Excellent' on their papers and award the 90-100% mark

Because my students and the marks they earn from my course and exam show what type of professor I would be,

A parrot produces parrots, the legendary hare gives birth to more legendary hares, and it should be the way of the academic world as well.

But I am a student.

*Bwesigye bwa Mwesigire

LLM in Human Rights/Uganda